Do you remember when you were younger and thought 30 year olds were adults? Do you know responsible and mature people?
In your mind, they had their lives together and knew what they were doing.
Well here I am, I’m 30 and I have no idea. None. I just keep thinking, “At what age will I know what I’m doing?” And that age never comes.
I know people might think, “Grow up, you’re just another Gen Y, accept that you’re an adult, take responsibility, and go on and on.”
But I can not. Because if I could, I wouldn’t be writing about it and thinking about it in a permanent loop.
I feel like I’ve been waiting to get mature for about 10 years and it still hasn’t happened.
I need constant help and supervision. Sometimes I want to scream “I need an adult!”
I call home all the time.
“The fly on my jeans is broken – where do I go to fix this?”
“How long do I cook a roast lamb?”
“I have to sign a form. Can you read it and make sure it’s okay to sign? “
The thought of kids is scary – because I want them, but I can barely take care of myself, so how the HELL am I going to deal with kids?
The strange thing is, I was actively trying to mature. Because it’s a real problem … I haven’t been out that long, haven’t drank as much, tried to better budget my monthly salary, teach myself to cook from a recipe book, and not walk home from races with my shoes on . But my heart and soul don’t change.
I wonder if my mom had these thoughts when she was my age. Or was it another time? A time before Buzzfeed asks, “How well did you grow up?”
So I asked her. It turns out that even in her late twenties / early thirties she was struggling with “I have no idea what I’m doing”. She said that with two children structure was created in her life, and with children came responsibility and maturity.
She said having another life to look after had “ascended” as an adult. But even then, she admitted that she felt like she had “made something up over time” but without social media she just had to “keep going.”
She also said she called her mother almost every day for help and advice.
And even now, at almost 60 years of age, she still calls her 86-year-old mother for advice because “I don’t have all the answers and life is constantly throwing me with curve balls!”
I think this is self-acceptance at its best.
I know I need to let go of my preconceived notions of who I am to be an adult. I know it’s normal to feel this way, and I just need the courage to do my best to be an adult, even though that’s not how I imagined it would be.
Plus, if my mom still calls her at almost 60 … I’ll be fine.
Tanya Hennessy hosted Hit 104.7 Breakfast in Canberra. Follow her on Facebook.